By Amy Peters
As awareness of neurodiversity grows, more people are beginning to question traditional approaches to therapy and mental health support. For many autistic and ADHD individuals, therapy has not always felt like a safe space for understanding and self-discovery. Instead, it has sometimes focused on changing behaviours and encouraging conformity to neurotypical expectations.
In this guest blog, counsellor and author Amy Peters explores what neurodivergent affirming therapy looks like, why it matters, and how a more compassionate, understanding approach can help neurodivergent individuals thrive.
About the Guest Author
Amy Peters is an autistic/ADHD therapist, author, trainer, and neurodivergent-affirming practitioner, based in Canterbury, UK, with a passion for reshaping how neurodivergence is understood within therapy and mental health services. Drawing on both professional expertise and lived experience, she advocates for approaches that move beyond deficit-based models and celebrate neurodivergent ways of being. Amy is the author of Neurodivergent Affirming Therapy: Rethinking Approaches for Autistic and ADHD Clients (JKP Books), a comprehensive guide for anyone seeking to understand neurodivergence through this lens. Through her writing, training, and clinical work, she is committed to promoting acceptance, understanding, and meaningful systemic change.
Guest Blog by Amy Peters
Imagine going to therapy because you’re anxious, overwhelmed, and struggling to cope, only to leave feeling as though the solution is to become someone else entirely.
For many neurodivergent people, this has been their experience. Not because therapists intended harm- far from it- but because neurodivergence has traditionally been understood through a lens of deficits, symptoms, and behaviours to change.
Fortunately, things are beginning to shift. Increasingly, therapists are embracing neurodivergent affirming therapy approaches that focus less on fixing people and more on understanding them.
When Therapy Focuses on “Fixing the Person”
Many of the “gold standard” therapies for autism and ADHD, for example, have historically relied on compliance-based approaches. They focus on changing behaviours that other people may find difficult, problematic, or “weird.”
Goals may be set to increase eye contact, reduce fidgeting, decrease “rigidity,” or encourage more socially acceptable forms of communication.
And sometimes these approaches seem to work.
Parents might report improvements. Teachers may notice an increased ability to sit still or focus. Professionals may celebrate progress.
But it is worth asking: who is benefiting from these changes? And what is the cost to the person complying?
In many cases, what others see as improvement may actually be the neurodivergent person working harder to mask, hide their natural responses, and suppress their needs. The behaviour changes, but the underlying distress often remains.
This can perpetuate stigma and shame in the very place where individuals are seeking support and healing. It may also reinforce the belief that they are not acceptable as they are. Over time, this can contribute to low self-esteem, anxiety, and burnout caused by the exhaustion of constant masking.
What Is the Alternative?
Viewing autism and ADHD as disorders is only one way of understanding neurodivergence. The neurodiversity movement has introduced alternative perspectives that are more compassionate and inclusive.
One of these ideas is that neurodivergence represents a natural variation within human diversity.
Neurodivergent affirming therapy is grounded in this concept and offers a safer, more compassionate framework for understanding neurodivergence. For many people, exploring their neurotype within the safety of a therapeutic relationship can be transformative.
Crucially, this approach does not deny challenges, nor does it portray neurodivergence as a “superpower.” Instead, it takes a balanced and holistic view.
Rather than asking:
“How can we make this person fit in better or appear more typical?”
It asks:
“What is this person’s inner experience, and how can we support them to thrive?”
What a Neurodivergent Affirming Therapist Understands
A neurodivergent affirming therapist should have a strong understanding of neurodivergent experiences, informed not only by professional training but also by learning from people with lived experience.
This may include knowledge of:
- Masking
- Late diagnosis and identity exploration
- Neurodivergent burnout
- Co-occurring physical and mental health conditions
- Sensory differences
- Neurodivergent trauma
- Autonomy-seeking and demand avoidance
Most importantly, these experiences are viewed through a compassionate lens rather than a deficit-based one.
Why Neurodivergent Affirming Therapy Matters for Children and Adults
Many late-diagnosed adults spend decades believing that something is fundamentally wrong with them. They may carry shame, anxiety, low self-worth, chronic exhaustion, burnout, or identity confusion.
For these individuals, neurodivergent affirming therapy can be deeply reparative. It can help them reinterpret experiences that previously felt like personal failures.
For children, the stakes are equally high.
Therapy should be a place where children can safely be themselves- not another environment where they learn that acceptance is conditional on appearing more “normal.”
With children, there is an opportunity to begin as we mean to go on, offering language, support, and narratives that nurture a strong and affirming sense of identity.
What Might a Neurodivergent Affirming Therapy Session Look Like?
There is no single neurodivergent-affirming therapy model, but sessions may include adaptations to support comfort, communication, and regulation.
Flexible Communication
- Less emphasis on eye contact
- Side-by-side conversations
- Additional processing time
Sensory Considerations
- Access to fidget aids
- Movement during sessions
- Breaks when needed
- Screen breaks or movement opportunities during online sessions
Adapting the Content
- Incorporating passions, special interests, or hyperfixations into the therapeutic process
- Using creative approaches such as music, gaming, books, film characters, or storytelling to explore emotions and experiences
Emotional Regulation Support
- Therapists tracking signs of overwhelm and slowing down rather than encouraging clients to “push through”
- Providing psychoeducation about nervous system responses and neurodivergent traits
How to Find a Neurodivergent Affirming Therapist
When looking for a neurodivergent affirming therapist, pay attention to how neurodivergence is described on their website, profile, or promotional materials.
Phrases such as:
- “Suffering from autism”
- “Social impairments”
- “Deficits”
- “Normal social skills”
may indicate a more disorder-focused perspective.
You may also wish to ask questions such as:
- How do you view autism, ADHD, or other forms of neurodivergence?
- What does neurodivergent affirming practice mean to you?
- How do you adapt your therapy for neurodivergent clients?
Pay attention not only to the answers but also to how those answers make you feel.
Do they focus on understanding, accommodation, and collaboration?
Or do they focus primarily on changing the person?
Final Thoughts
Therapy should not be another place where neurodivergent people feel they need to hide who they are.
At its best, therapy helps people understand themselves more deeply- not move further away from their authentic selves.
If you are seeking support for yourself, a loved one, or a student, take a moment to consider how a therapist positions neurodivergence.
Because there is a significant difference between helping someone fit in and helping them flourish.
Many of the ideas explored in this article are discussed in more depth in my book, Neurodivergent Affirming Therapy: Rethinking Approaches for Autistic and ADHD Clients. This book explores how we can move beyond deficit-based understandings of neurodivergence and towards more compassionate, affirming approaches.
Connect With The Author
To connect with Amy Peters and explore more of her work, visit her website, connect with her on LinkedIn, follow her on Instagram, and find her on TikTok (@neurodivergent_newglade) for additional insights and resources on neurodivergence and neurodivergent-affirming practice.
This article was contributed to NeuroNestHub as part of our community voices and guest contributor initiative, where lived experiences, professional insights, and diverse perspectives come together to foster awareness, empathy, and meaningful conversations around neurodiversity, mental health, and inclusive leadership.
Discover real stories, practical resources, and a growing community at NeuroNestHub, and if you have a story to share, we’d love to hear from you: https://neuronesthub.com/
Disclaimer: This article is intended for educational purposes only. The views shared are based on the author’s professional experience and should not be considered individualized medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice.